Let me save you the trouble of reading and spending money to buy John Bolton’s book The Room Where It Happened. It is officially to be available today, but many bootleg copies were made available over the weekend. I got to read one of the bootleg copies. Let me share with you what the book says, chapter by chapter.

Chapter 1 (starts on page 6)

I really wanted this job and although all the indicators to the contrary were there, I pretended that Donald Trump was actually smart. I soon learned how wrong I was.

Chapter 2 (starts on page 42)

It became apparent during the first geopolitical crisis for the Trump Administration that Donald Trump has no clue – about anything.

Chapter 3 (starts on page 59)

I now knew that Trump is an imbecile. It was arduous to prepare Trump for what any seventh grader already knew about the world’s geography. I soon realized it was much easier to get a kindergartner to draw a map of the world – at least the kindergartner knew the globe was round.

Chapter 4 (starts on page 73)

Unbelievable, Trump – the ultimate fool – actually believed that he can go toe-to-toe with Kim Jong Un!

Chapter 5 (starts on page 117)

“Frankly, Putin may be the easiest of them all,” referring to the July meetings with NATO, Theresa May and Vladimir Putin. Imagine my dismay when I realized that Donald Trump’s “grand strategy” was kowtowing to Putin!

Chapter 6 (starts on page 146)

It had been a wet dream of mine to extricate the United States out of Intermediate-Range Nuclear Forces Treaty (INF) for years. I thought I had found the perfect patsy to help me do that. But not even the simple matter of having the U.S. leave the INF was simple enough for Donald Trump. Trump managed to botch that up so well that I spent a lot of time trying to fix his Twitter outbursts.

Chapter 7 (starts on page 168)

“Trump heads for the door in Syria and Afghanistan, and he can’t find it”.

Chapter 8 (starts on page 204)

“It took me about a month after my arrival at the White House to” truly understand the how stupid Donald Trump is.

Chapter 9 (starts on page 225)

Venezuela is “part of the United States,” said Donald Trump as he chastised me for not unleashing the might of the United States military to squash Nicolas Maduro, like a bug, for the “fifth time,” Trump yelled. Trump had been asking for military intervention and reminded me that this was the fifth time he told me to “get it done”.

Chapter 10 (starts on page 260)

China is trouncing American businesses, but Donald Trump conceded on the ZTE controversy because Xi Jinping would owe Trump “a favor”.

Chapter 11 (starts on page 289)

Donald Trump’s idiocy was driving me so crazy that having surgery was “preferable” to sitting there listening to the empty suit that is Donald Trump. Ninety-minutes of nothing, just plain nothing!

Chapter 12 (starts on page 328)

Donald Trump, after Iranian protesters screamed “death to Trump, Pompeo and Bolton”, demanded to know why Iran wasn’t talking to him anymore. Trump alleged that I and Pompeo were keeping the Iranians from talking to him. If only that were true!

Chapter 13 (starts on page 382)

Trump, ever so stupid, demanded to meet with the Taliban for the photo-op even it meant that the United States would not get what it wanted out of them. But of course, Trump demanded that the Taliban be escorted through the “world’s most powerful magnetometer” before meeting with him, “and chemical” Trump added sheepishly.

Chapter 14 (starts on page 401)

“Throughout my West Wing tenure, Trump wanted to do what he wanted to do, based on…what he saw as his own best personal interests.”

Chapter 15 – Epilogue (starts on page 435)

“It was clear from the outset…that Trump would do everything he could to prevent” the publication of this book “until after the 2020 presidential election”.

I hope you enjoyed me saving you the time to read the John Bolton book, hopefully you didn’t pay for it especially considering that bootleg copies of the book are all over the internet.

It’s intended as a tongue-and-cheek synopsis of the book, but not really so much because it lays bare the truly stupid nature of Donald J. Trump.

*Page numbers from the Simon & Schuster e-book version.

Martin Paredes

Martín Paredes is a Mexican immigrant who built his business on the U.S.-Mexican border. As an immigrant, Martín brings the perspective of someone who sees México as a native through the experience...