Donald Trump changed my mind! I now support him for president. Let me tell you why. On Wednesday, March 30, I headed out to Wisconsin to see first-hand what Donald Trump had to say about immigration. Imagine my surprise when I ended up having a one-to-one fifteen-minute discussion with him. Of course I wanted to discuss immigration with Donald, and other politics, as well.

But first, I had to get the obligatory selfie to document this extraordinary encounter. He wasn’t too happy about taking a selfie with me, as you can tell by his face.

After the selfie, I got right to the point, “why did you call me a rapist and a thief” I asked him, point blank. Trump told me that his words had been taken out of context. Donald Trump told me how the news media is out to get him. Trump told me that he wasn’t talking about me, but rather he was talking about all of the other Mexican immigrants that trek across the border in the middle of the night. Trump added that they were “thieves in the night” and many of them were rapists. “I wasn’t talking about you,” he told me. “You obviously look American so I don’t have a problem with you because you speak my language,” he told me, as friendly as he could be.

Hmmm, it kind of made sense, after all he wasn’t talking about me, per se. And, I know how the news media can distort the obvious. As he put his arm on my shoulder, Trump told me that he loves “some Mexicans” and I was one of his “amigos.” “Besides, my wife is an immigrant,” he told me, “the right kind of immigrant” he added with a wink. As I was pondering this, his wife waved at him from afar. This of course let me to ask the next important question, what about your relationship with woman, I asked him.

“Look, at my wife, isn’t she gorgeous,” he asked me. She is a looker and I’ll be honest, I wasn’t looking at the real person a few feet away from me, but at Melania Trump’s nude GQ spread from 2001. Nalgas, a gun and an airplane swirled through my brain as I tried to compose myself. [You guys reading this don’t pretend you didn’t get distracted by the nalgas, go ahead click on the image to see it full size] Things change over fifteen years and my mind just wasn’t registering today, but a magazine from 2001. “… I like woman … they are fun to play with … to look at … to show off, isn’t Melania a looker,” Trump droned on while I was trying to get back to the question about woman. “Of course, she’s a looker,” I stammered as a response. “But why do some people insist you don’t respect woman,” I persisted.

“Woman are like immigrants, some are good and some are not so good, it is all a matter of knowing their place,” Donald Trump responded to me. He kept on, “I have a beautiful piece of ass” [1] to keep the press in check, he told me.

“As with immigrants, the press has distorted the truth,” he repeated.

It was starting to make sense to me.

“Look amigo, we can be friends, you’re a guy and you don’t look Mexican so we can be friends, and you know what that means, don’t you?” Did he mean that because I was “a guy” that I knew what he meant about women, I pondered? Or, did he mean to call me “güey,” instead, mangling his English translation?

But before, I could respond, Donald Trump was led away by his entourage because of some disturbance or other, but as he waved at me he told me, “I hope I changed your mind and you’ll tell your readers to vote for me!”

As he side-stepped a twenty-something woman wearing a “no to Trump” t-shirt writhing in pain on the floor from being pepper-sprayed, Trump turned back to me and yelled, “see how the news media distorts my truth by telling everyone that women should be jailed for having an abortion.” “What I really said is that I didn’t mean it when I said it, in the first place….” as he vanished into the darkness from where he had emerged.

I am sure that by now you have realized that I didn’t meet Donald Trump, nor did I discuss anything with him. Today is April Fool’s Day and as usual, I like to prank my readers. And yes, the “selfie” is a Photoshop manipulation so don’t run out there telling everyone that I am now a Donald Trump supporter. I’m not and I never will be.

I can’t vote, but I will continue to expose Donald Trump’s hypocrisy and lies in the hopes that one, two, or more voters will change their minds before the election.

And no, I won’t be taking any selfies with Donald Trump because to take a selfie with someone I need to respect them and I have no respect for Donald Trump.

1. Donald Trump actually told Esquire Magazine in 1991 that “a piece of ass” kept the news media in check.